Tag: work

Just a Moment …

two co-workers loved to linger
every morning round the cooler -
nothing could prevent their ardour
day by day becoming stronger -  
each forgetting non-frat rules, er, 
resignation was in order
The Funny Side of The Water Cooler | AquAid UK

image: AquAid Water Coolers

inspiration: tender from https://randomwordgenerator.com/

Work is a Four-Letter Word


Thought I’d begin my rant on the subject with this little film. It’s only a few minutes long but makes its point so eloquently I almost don’t want to add anything else.

In a way, my job is done. So I’ve just fired myself.

Ha, that’s better! The burden of having to fulminate against such an obvious target was beginning to weigh heavy. Who doesn’t curse their job several times a day? And who needs an old codger like me, long-since retired from the wearisome world of work, to kick against the pricks he no longer has to suffer?

Don’t get me wrong. I liked teaching … whenever I had the time and energy to do it properly. Teaching is simple. You choose a topic that interests and perhaps even excites you, organise the lesson carefully (leaving as little to chance as possible while making sure you can take advantage of any unexpected developments) and then engage with the students proactively to stimulate an active response which keeps the inquiry going into future lessons and down avenues where you will learn as much as they do.

Most of your energy should go into three tasks: prepare, teach, mark. Instead you are dragged into a hundred and one side-tracks devised by people who are not practising teachers yet think they know better than dedicated professionals what needs to be done. And on top of all this unnecessary office work you have to try and keep the kids on task. Result: an exhausted profession and a big recruitment problem.

Teachers in the UK aren’t badly paid but a job that takes up so much of your time should be rewarding in every way. Teaching should be the best job in the world. Nothing demoralises you more quickly than realising that for no fault of your own you’re not really getting to grips with what needs to be done. And meaningless work is soul-destroying, as the cartoon so clearly demonstrates.

Hmm, thought I’d sacked myself …


Images: http://www.opusbou.com.ar and www.picshunger.com

Bafflesby Employability Guidance (BEG)

We at BEG share a burning belief in work as a one-way street to liberty, equality and universal brotherhood. We are passionate about this because we speak from experience. We have steady jobs and want to spread the glad tidings to those in Bafflesby who haven’t – work can set you free!

As social creatures our deepest desire is to be part of a winning team firing on all cylinders. We yearn to belong, knowing that together we are greater than the sum of our parts. But when we – or rather, you – are still on the lowest rung of the ladder, our – well, your – first taste of teamwork will be as a mere cog on a big wheel.

Those at the bottom often perform their tasks without knowing why and seldom see the end product of their labours. School-leavers are familiar with this and will feel at home right away, of course, but if you have experienced the world of work you may have soaked up other attitudes. Perhaps you’ve heard that old folk mantra, ‘Find a job that suits you.’

We say, ‘Nice work if you can get it, Granny, but youngsters in today’s competitive marketplace should suit themselves to the job.’

Put bluntly, you can’t be a square peg in a round hole. You have to fit in. You must be ready to work all hours, wear an embarrassing uniform, change work practices at the drop of a hat, do whatever you’re told without demur and smile no matter what. Employers want a happy workforce and are happy to sack anyone who isn’t.

Fortunately, there are many ways to prepare yourself for this brave new world. Cook a meal but don’t eat it. Get ready for a party but don’t invite anyone. Decorate a room, lock the door and throw away the key. Remember you live in a 24/7 world, so set your wake-alarm for random times day and night. If you can’t stop hitting Snooze, consider a GPS-generated klaxon-implant. Prepare for zero-hours contracts by doing absolutely nothing for ages and ages followed by sudden, brief, random bursts of activity. If prolonged inaction bores you, give your CV yet another tweak.

For help untweaking your CV, call our Testimonial Rewrite Assist Secure Hotline (TRASH) to find out about our award-winning gold-star emergency-rescue service.

We recommend wearing clown costumes around the house. Once you pluck up the courage to answer the door in them, you’ll soon be walking the streets without a single stab of shame. Drop objects of increasing weight on your bare toes while monitoring your smile in a mirror. Tie shoelaces with unfamiliar knots. Perform routine acts blindfolded. Practise getting dressed in the dark.

Remember that all these exercises are dummy-runs for the real thing, so expect to feel like a dummy. You may also feel:

sick                confused               humiliated         weird              isolated              alienated

lonely            peculiar                 rejected               lost                  broken                invisible

stupid            unappreciated    forgotten            hopeless         feeble                  useless

Don’t worry. It’s normal to experience one or more of these symptoms during your acclimatisation to the world of work. Feel them all simultaneously and you may be close to despair, however, at which point cut out the homework and watch an escapist movie. Avoid hobbies with a carefully-crafted finished product, because they can lead to dissatisfaction with a working day where you produce nothing of any value. Don’t attempt original or unorthodox leisure activities in case they interfere with dull and repetitive work routines. Far safer to consume crap on TV and surf the net for amusing pictures of cats!

Watching Breaking News cycle endlessly with no analysis is the perfect way to prepare for a job you don’t understand and can never complete. Ignore complicated questions about vanishing species, melting icesheets, acid oceans, weather disruptions, arid farmlands and toxic air. None of these is your fault. In fact, forget all about sustainable ecology. Just remember that your only chance of sustainable employment is full-steam-ahead economic growth which encourages the rich to go out and spend their buried treasure.

Try to forget how hard you worked during your education. Academic values count for little in the real world. Graduates can become excellent baristas. And most anthropology graduates work for corporations that employ their knowledge to sell goods and services to the human lab-rats and guinea pigs they once studied with wide-eyed wonder. Wake up and smell the coffee.

Perhaps you already have. If your coffee break is the only thing you look forward to at work, wait until nobody’s looking and take a discreet internet trawl through The World’s Worst Jobs. This should help you count your blessings … but if any of them are better than yours, consider applying.


Bafflesby Employability Guidance (BEG)
an Offshaw & Gonn jobseekers service