Tag: humour

Like … duh!

A question from an aged technophobe to his followers … where my blog title appears on your ‘Manage Followed Sites’ list, can you turn on/off the ‘Emails for New Posts/Comments’ functions? If not, I’d be very grateful if someone could tell me how to enable this. Cheers!

Senior man with a computer problem

Rolling News … Update … Silly Season Shocker … Problem Solved … Turns Out, There Was No Problem … Silly Old Fool Wipes Egg From Face … For Next Major Scoop, Watch This Empty Space!

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100 word story challenge

Hello?

Is this Mr Shoehorn?

Yes.

I’m Asphodel from Fifteen Minutes. You may have heard of us.

You make people famous.

Our computer has selected your name. Our image consultants are now available. Our broadcasting studio is ready to roll.

That lot won’t come cheap.

It won’t cost you a penny. We take half your earnings when you become famous.

What if, for all your expertise, I turn out to be a flop?

Many of our clients are famous for being flops. People adore pointless celebrity. It gives them hope.

Win-win, then?

It’s all good, yeah, all good … you in?

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Subversion, 60’s Style …

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What chance did we stand? Comic strips like this and the Bash Street Kids – see the previous post for my favourite adventure – introduced us Brit baby-boomers to surreal satire of conventional thinking. In the States it was Mad Magazine … were we the world’s luckiest ever generation, I wonder?

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Share the fun, kids, it’s still being published! And here’s one for Opher, whose blog opherworld.wordpress.com I can thoroughly recommend … some more artwork to die for!

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The Kids Are All Right

One of the Bash Street Kids spots a poster – Modern Art Competition, Big Money Prizes. He tells the others and their ‘thinks’ bubbles show all the grub they’ll buy with their winnings. They set about creating a masterpiece along American Expressionist lines.

They lay a huge canvas on the floor and splash paint on it, even ride bicycles over it. The result is very Jackson Pollock, all lines and swirls and splodges. They take the painting to the gallery but find it won’t fit through the door.

End of story you might think, but no, the last frame shows their cunning solution. They have cut the painting into three separate pieces and each one has a rosette attached – first, second and third place in the competition. Their dreams of food now run amok and the comic strip ends in an explosion of ‘thinks’ bubbles with a delicious profusion of jelly, sausage and mash, pies, cakes … what you might call a Beano!

I’ve looked online but can’t find it. Perhaps it’s better left in my memory, two pages that have everything: visual humour, satire, teamwork, rebellion, social comment … best of all, it’s kids putting their heads together to outwit the daft adult world.

What’s not to like?

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Grumpy Old Muso Rant #2

I really don’t want this topic to become a regular feature so here are all my gripes in one go:

  1. Intrusive photographers (see Grumpy Old Muso Rant #1)
  2. Sound engineers – usually young – who turn the dynamics of perfectly good rock bands into crass drum’n’bass
  3. People who talk loudly during gigs, making you wonder if they’ve got in without paying
  4. Performers who spend more time regaling the audience with anecdotes than playing music
  5. Small venues that oversell when they get the chance, turning the evening into one long game of Sardines
  6. People who shout out, “Play something we know!”
  7. Tribute bands that churn the stuff out note for note when the originals probably never played it the same way twice
  8. Clapping along on the On Beat
  9. Perfectionists who get halfway through a number, make a mistake and then force you to listen to the whole thing all over again as if it’s your fault
  10. Performers dissatisfied with the turnout who blame the people who have turned out for not bringing their friends

There may be more but no list should ever exceed 10 items. By order. And if you’re thinking I’m rather hard to please, you could have a point. I was once thrown off an anger-management course for punching the organiser. He made the mistake of recommending we go see more live music …

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Grumpy Old Muso Rant #1

Anyone else had an experience like this?

I am standing in a dense crowd near the stage in own little musical bubble, with the funky keyboards of Booker T Jones swirling around my head. Suddenly, I am barged from behind and forced to stagger forward. A small woman has pushed past me to take a photograph of the organ maestro. I shrug and get back in the groove. It happens again. The third time, I turn to her, moved to say something polite but firm.

Me   Look, if you want to take a photo just tap me on the arm and I’ll move aside. The pushing kinda breaks the spell …

She  You’re rude, you are!

Me    Oh, and shoving me in the back without warning isn’t?

She   (leaving for the back) You’ve spoilt my evening, you have!

I turn to watch her go and am confronted by a little guy with two large henchmen.

He     That’s my missus you’ve been slagging off, mate …

Me     Well, actually, it’s the other way around. I was standing there enjoying the music, when …

He      Button it … there’s people here trying to enjoy the show!

That is rich. And his pet Neanderthals – no offence to that unfortunate species – manage to look offended on behalf of the whole audience. I leave, but only to find a bouncer. Once I’ve told him the problem and he’s reassured me that I can rely on him if there’s any trouble, I go back to stand exactly where I was when so – yes – rudely interrupted. The sound is perfect there and besides, a principle is at stake.

I’m trying to get back in the bubble but now I can’t help wondering why people have to take photos at moments of particular musical intensity, oblivious to the enjoyment of others around them? And why do people sitting down insist that others, inspired to stand up and dance, move out of their personal sightline to the stage when the generous thing would be to enjoy the dancers’ joyful abandon? Is visual obsession the new fascism … oh, buggeration, the gig’s over! 20130114-cellphone-595-1358196043-650x0