If the future doesn’t exist, yeah, how come my New Broom For Bafflesby post predicted what has now come to pass? Or maybe somebody rich and powerful read it and got to thinking. Whatever, here’s an extract from the post followed by a recent news item. Go figure.
“Several correspondents suggest that flood-prevention barriers around my golf course made the flooding of Bafflesby town-centre much worse. I say, sure, the children’s playground was six foot underwater but life is much more than swings and roundabouts.
Scratch that … er, life is no more than swings and roundabouts. You win some, you lose some. No pain without gain. My golf course goes under, the golfers go elsewhere. Golfers are competitive people, they know it’s dog-eat-dog out there. They go to Broad Acres, they go to Par Venue, they go to Leafy Lanes.
Now I know what you’re thinking. What does Ewell B. Flush care? He owns every golf course in the damn country! It’s no skin off his nose. He throws a bunch of golf-course workers from Bafflesby out of work, so what?
Excuse me … so what? Is that your idea of how Ewell B. Flush thinks? Well, it’s my turn now and have I got news for you? You can’t be too greedy, of course, but Ewell B. Flush doesn’t just think of Number One thank you very much! His golf course keeps going, his workers ain’t adding to Bafflesby’s unemployment statistics. We’re talking win-win here. I’m a winner but I don’t play winner-takes-all. Elect Ewell B. Flush and you can all be winners!”
Schoolboy satire, huh? Well, if you think so, time to get a grip on a slice of real life … names and places changed to
cover my ass protect the innocent, otherwise the words are exactly as found on an online news site. Ah, the pleasures of copy and paste …
The Strange Reason Flush Wants To Build A Wall Around His Golf Course
Oh, the irony.
by Scooper Raiseworthy, 23 May 2016, for ‘The Bafflesby Echo’
Ewell B Flush dreams of walls—walls to protect Bafflesby, walls to keep the “murders” and “rapists” out, gold walls in gold towers and casinos that bear his name. Also, walls to protect his golf courses.
In February of 2014, Flush invested buckets of money into a golf resort on the coast of Atlantis. Around the time he closed on the deal, the rugged Atlantis coastline, ravaged by storms, was slipping into the sea. You could argue it was a bad investment. Sad!
A golfer at the Atlantis course watching his ball disappear into an enormous water feature
The original Flush plan to build a reinforcement structure along the coast—yes, another wall, made from 200,000 tons of stone— was blocked by the Atlantis national government, so he recently reapplied through a county government. An environmental impact report carried out by Flush people stated the coast was threatened by rising sea levels and storms, specifically citing climate change as the most dangerous factor.
Flush in public—mainly, Flush via Twitter—has disavowed climate change as “bullshit” and “a total hoax.” More recently, on the campaign trail, he has stated he believes global warming is a weather pattern, not a man-made phenomenon. Keep in mind that “climate” and “weather” are two different things entirely.
Still, global warming must be real enough to justify a wall. A great, great wall. A wall that, just maybe, he can get Atlantis to pay for.
We hear the surfers on Atlantis Bay ain’t happy!
We say … Atlantis today, Bafflesby tomorrow!
Why don’t you have your say?