The Big Ask

It was two years ago today that Bafflesby Borough Council – responding to the widespread perception that it was doing nothing much about anything at all – voted to hold a people’s plebiscite that posed a single, seemingly-simple question:

Are you in favour of change?                Yes                No                (tick one only)

The result was famously close. After several recounts Bafflesby’s Returning Officer, a very weary Ida Clare, gave the victory to Yes by one vote.

In keeping with the Town Motto Better Late Than Never, Bafflesbytes then began a furious debate which – arguably – they should have conducted before the vote, about how much change they actually did want when push came to shove. Some thought lots, lots thought some and lots more thought none. The only area of agreement was that nobody trusted anybody else either to change anything or to keep it the same.

Ever happy to serve our fellow citizens, we at the Bafflesby Bugle are throwing open the pages of our publication for all and sundry to have their four-pennyworth! Not getting your point across in the pub or over the breakfast table? Bursting with big ideas? Well, friends and readers, here’s your chance to let rip!

Today’s precious print platform goes to Curio Corner proprietor and part-time local historian Luke Backwoods, who reckons we can learn a thing or two from the distant past:

My big idea is to rebuild the medieval walls that used to go right round Bafflesby. Can’t beat heritage, can you, when it comes to pulling in the tourists? You could vet them at the gate to keep out undesirables. Any of them turn up with foreign bugs you just keep them in the gatehouse till they get better.

Or say the police are looking for shoplifters in Bafflesby. Put the word out. Lockdown. Besides, building up the walls again means jobs for local people. And you could stop all these cheap memorabilia products flooding the market. Charge them tariffs when they come over the drawbridge. Plus you’d have a portcullis when  things start to kick off with other places. 

Improve morale no end. Peace of mind all round. Easy.

 

Image result for medieval walls

 

Image: Bluffton University

9 thoughts on “The Big Ask

  1. Yes yes yes, good work, keep it up, and I might just get over my DT’s (Donald Trump syndrome) yet. I’m thinking about starting a site called GoFunMe, so we can all cheer each other up through these Dark Ages…

    1. Cheers, Hardie! Fun … yes, I remember that … or was it all just a delightful dream? Writing this certainly felt like therapy, though I’m still waiting for some of my symptoms to subside! Perhaps I should increase the dose.
      Btw, have made a couple of changes – that word again! – since you read it.

  2. Ha Dave – really great. You can’t beat bringing humour to a dire situation.
    Having though long and hard about the change that Bafflesby should bring in I reckon it should be to change the vote!

    1. Good to know it hit the spot with you, Opher! I’ll pass on any consultancy fees. Sounds like they could do with changing the wording next time round, too. Either that or call an election …

  3. What a nice piece of journalism.
    Despite the controversy, Bafflesby seems to have one desirable aspect. It must be one of the last places in Britain to still employ journalists and produce news.

    Give that reporter a medal, and a gold star to the Bafflesby Bugle!

    More power to it’s elbow.

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